[meteorite-list] Meteorwrongs
From: Mark Miconi <mam602_at_meteoritecentral.com>
Date: Thu Apr 22 09:55:45 2004 Message-ID: <005d01c19c41$2b1fdbc0$04f20541_at_fwlr1.az.home.com> This is a multi-part message in MIME format. ------=_NextPart_000_005A_01C19C06.7E763F20 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="windows-1256" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable Absolutely fantastic and I almost wet myself laughing...Mohamed TAKE = NOTE! Mark M. ----- Original Message -----=20 From: Dean Langadas=20 To: meteorite-list_at_meteoritecentral.com=20 Sent: Saturday, January 12, 2002 10:56 AM Subject: [meteorite-list] Meteorwrongs Hi all: =20 Since a few folks on the board have opted to slam an individual for = his ongoing postings of meteorwrongs, I thought I'd post one of my old = favorites, how to let a guy down easy. This is a real letter to a real = guy, and it fits the occasion. Good for a laugh, and some of you guys = need to take the hint. =20 There is a gentleman in Newport, VT named Scott Williams who digs = things out of his back yard and sends them to the Smithsonian Institute, = labeling them with scientific names, and insisting that they are actual = archaeological finds. Here is an actual response from the Smithsonian = Institution. ___________________________________________________ Smithsonian Institute 207 Pennsylvania Avenue Washington, DC 20078 Dear Mr. Williams: Thank you for your latest submission to the Institute, labeled = "93211-D, layer seven, next to the clothesline post ... Hominid skull." = We have given this specimen a careful and detailed examination, and = regret to inform you that we disagree with your theory that it = represents conclusive proof of the presence of Early Man in Charleston = County two million years ago.=20 Rather, it appears that what you have found is the head of a Barbie = doll, of the variety that one of our staff, who has small children, = believes to be "Malibu Barbie." It is evident that you have given a = great deal of thought to the analysis of this specimen, and you may be = quite certain that those of us who are familiar with your prior work in = the field were loathe to come to contradiction with your findings. = However, we do feel that there are a number of physical attributes of = the specimen which might have tipped you off to its modern origin: 1. The material is molded plastic. Ancient hominid remains are = typically fossilized bone. 2. The cranial capacity of the specimen is approximately 9 cubic = centimeters, well below the threshold of even the earliest identified = proto-homonids. 3. The dentition pattern evident on the skull is more consistent with = the common domesticated dog than it is with the ravenous man-eating = Pliocene clams you speculate roamed the wetlands during that time. This latter finding is certainly one of the most intriguing hypotheses = you have submitted in your history with this institution, but the = evidence seems to weigh rather heavily against it. Without going into = too much detail, let us say that: A. The specimen looks like the head of a Barbie doll that a dog has = chewed on. B. Clams don't have teeth. It is with feelings tinged with melancholy that we must deny your = request to have the specimen carbon-dated. This is partially due to the = heavy load our lab must bear in its normal operation, and partly due to = carbon-dating's notorious inaccuracy in fossils of recent geologic = record. To the best of our knowledge, no Barbie dolls were produced = prior to 1956 AD, and carbon-dating is likely to produce wildly = inaccurate results. Sadly, we must also deny your request that we approach the National = Science Foundation Phylogeny Department with the concept of assigning = your specimen the scientific name Australopithecus spiff-arino. = Speaking personally, I, for one, fought tenaciously for the acceptance = of your proposed taxonomy, but was ultimately voted down because the = species name you selected was hyphenated, and didn't really sound like = it might be Latin. However, we gladly accept your generous donation of this fascinating = specimen to the museum. While it is undoubtedly not a Hominid fossil, = it is, nonetheless, yet another riveting example of the great body of = work you seem to accumulate here so effortlessly. You should know that = our Director has reserved a special shelf in his own office for the = display of the specimens you have previously submitted to the = Institution, and the entire staff speculates daily on what you will = happen upon next in your digs at the site you have discovered in your = Newport back yard. We eagerly anticipate your trip to our nation's capital that you = proposed in your last letter, and several of us are pressing the = Director to pay for it. We are particularly interested in hearing you = expand on your theories surrounding the trans-positating fillifitation = of ferrous ions in a structural matrix that makes the excellent juvenile = Tyrannosaurus Rex femur you recently discovered take on the deceptive = appearance of a rusty 9-mm Sears Craftsman automotive crescent wrench. Yours in Science, Harvey Rowe Chief Curator- Antiquities ------=_NextPart_000_005A_01C19C06.7E763F20 Content-Type: text/html; charset="windows-1256" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable <!DOCTYPE HTML PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.0 Transitional//EN"> <HTML><HEAD> <META content=3D"text/html; charset=3Dwindows-1256" = http-equiv=3DContent-Type> <META content=3D"MSHTML 5.00.2614.3500" name=3DGENERATOR> <STYLE></STYLE> </HEAD> <BODY bgColor=3D#ffffff> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>Absolutely fantastic and I almost wet = myself=20 laughing...Mohamed TAKE NOTE!</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>Mark M.</FONT></DIV> <BLOCKQUOTE=20 style=3D"BORDER-LEFT: #000000 2px solid; MARGIN-LEFT: 5px; MARGIN-RIGHT: = 0px; PADDING-LEFT: 5px; PADDING-RIGHT: 0px"> <DIV style=3D"FONT: 10pt arial">----- Original Message ----- </DIV> <DIV=20 style=3D"BACKGROUND: #e4e4e4; FONT: 10pt arial; font-color: = black"><B>From:</B>=20 <A href=3D"mailto:dean_at_qualityphd.com" = title=3Ddean_at_qualityphd.com>Dean=20 Langadas</A> </DIV> <DIV style=3D"FONT: 10pt arial"><B>To:</B> <A=20 href=3D"mailto:meteorite-list_at_meteoritecentral.com"=20 = title=3Dmeteorite-list_at_meteoritecentral.com>meteorite-list@meteoritecentr= al.com</A>=20 </DIV> <DIV style=3D"FONT: 10pt arial"><B>Sent:</B> Saturday, January 12, = 2002 10:56=20 AM</DIV> <DIV style=3D"FONT: 10pt arial"><B>Subject:</B> [meteorite-list]=20 Meteorwrongs</DIV> <DIV><BR></DIV> <DIV><FONT size=3D2>Hi all:</FONT></DIV> <DIV><FONT size=3D2></FONT> </DIV> <DIV><FONT size=3D2>Since a few folks on the board have opted to slam = an=20 individual for his ongoing postings of meteorwrongs, I thought = I'd post=20 one of my old favorites, how to let a guy down easy. This is a = real=20 letter to a real guy, and it fits the occasion. Good = for a=20 laugh, and some of you guys need to take the hint.</FONT></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV> =20 <P><FONT size=3D2>There is a gentleman in Newport, VT named Scott = Williams who=20 digs things out of his back yard and sends them to the Smithsonian = Institute,=20 labeling them with scientific names, and insisting that they are = actual=20 archaeological finds. Here is an actual response from the Smithsonian=20 = Institution.<BR>___________________________________________________</FONT= ></P> <P><BR><FONT size=3D2>Smithsonian Institute<BR>207 Pennsylvania=20 Avenue<BR>Washington, DC 20078</FONT></P> <P><FONT size=3D2>Dear Mr. Williams:</FONT></P> <P><FONT size=3D2>Thank you for your latest submission to the = Institute, labeled=20 "93211-D, layer seven, next to the clothesline post ... Hominid = skull." =20 We have given this specimen a careful and detailed examination, and = regret to=20 inform you that we disagree with your theory that it represents = conclusive=20 proof of the presence of Early Man in Charleston County two million = years ago.=20 </FONT></P> <P><FONT size=3D2>Rather, it appears that what you have found is the = head of a=20 Barbie doll, of the variety that one of our staff, who has small = children,=20 believes to be "Malibu Barbie." It is evident that you have = given a=20 great deal of thought to the analysis of this specimen, and you may be = quite=20 certain that those of us who are familiar with your prior work in the = field=20 were loathe to come to contradiction with your findings. = However, we do=20 feel that there are a number of physical attributes of the specimen = which=20 might have tipped you off to its modern origin:</FONT></P> <P><FONT size=3D2>1. The material is molded plastic. Ancient hominid = remains are=20 typically fossilized bone.<BR>2. The cranial capacity of the specimen = is=20 approximately 9 cubic centimeters, well below the threshold of even = the=20 earliest identified proto-homonids.<BR>3. The dentition pattern = evident on the=20 skull is more consistent with the common domesticated dog than it is = with the=20 ravenous man-eating Pliocene clams you speculate roamed the wetlands = during=20 that time.</FONT></P> <P><FONT size=3D2>This latter finding is certainly one of the most = intriguing=20 hypotheses you have submitted in your history with this institution, = but the=20 evidence seems to weigh rather heavily against it. Without going = into=20 too much detail, let us say that:</FONT></P> <P><FONT size=3D2>A. The specimen looks like the head of a Barbie doll = that a=20 dog has chewed on.<BR>B. Clams don't have teeth.</FONT></P> <P><FONT size=3D2>It is with feelings tinged with melancholy that we = must deny=20 your request to have the specimen carbon-dated. This is = partially due to=20 the heavy load our lab must bear in its normal operation, and partly = due to=20 carbon-dating's notorious inaccuracy in fossils of recent geologic=20 record. To the best of our knowledge, no Barbie dolls were = produced=20 prior to 1956 AD, and carbon-dating is likely to produce wildly = inaccurate=20 results.</FONT></P> <P><FONT size=3D2>Sadly, we must also deny your request that we = approach the=20 National Science Foundation Phylogeny Department with the concept of = assigning=20 your specimen the scientific name Australopithecus spiff-arino. = Speaking=20 personally, I, for one, fought tenaciously for the acceptance of your = proposed=20 taxonomy, but was ultimately voted down because the species name you = selected=20 was hyphenated, and didn't really sound like it might be = Latin.</FONT></P> <P><FONT size=3D2>However, we gladly accept your generous donation of = this=20 fascinating specimen to the museum. While it is undoubtedly not = a=20 Hominid fossil, it is, nonetheless, yet another riveting example of = the great=20 body of work you seem to accumulate here so effortlessly. You should = know that=20 our Director has reserved a special shelf in his own office for the = display of=20 the specimens you have previously submitted to the Institution, and = the entire=20 staff speculates daily on what you will happen upon next in your digs = at the=20 site you have discovered in your Newport back yard.</FONT></P> <P><FONT size=3D2>We eagerly anticipate your trip to our nation's = capital that=20 you proposed in your last letter, and several of us are pressing the = Director=20 to pay for it. We are particularly interested in hearing you = expand on=20 your theories surrounding the trans-positating fillifitation of = ferrous ions=20 in a structural matrix that makes the excellent juvenile Tyrannosaurus = Rex=20 femur you recently discovered take on the deceptive appearance of a = rusty 9-mm=20 Sears Craftsman automotive crescent wrench.</FONT></P> <P><FONT size=3D2>Yours in Science,</FONT></P> <P><FONT size=3D2>Harvey Rowe<BR>Chief Curator- Antiquities<FONT=20 face=3DArial></P></FONT></FONT></DIV></BLOCKQUOTE></BODY></HTML> ------=_NextPart_000_005A_01C19C06.7E763F20-- Received on Sun 13 Jan 2002 09:47:04 AM PST |
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