[meteorite-list] A WHOPPER FROM DEMING, NM

From: tett <tett_at_meteoritecentral.com>
Date: Thu Apr 22 09:46:24 2004
Message-ID: <3B005609.3E89871D_at_bmts.com>

Robert,

Thank you for one of the biggest laughs I can remember.

Cheers,

tett

"Matson, Robert" wrote:

> Hi All,
>
> Always amusing to get the occasional "input" from the fringes
> of society. Once of my first thoughts was the frightening
> realization that such people are able to secure drivers
> licenses. But then I re-read the following line:
>
> "I WILL SHOW ANYONE WITH SKILLS IN METEORITE IDENTIFICATION SOME OF
> WHAT I HAVE FOUND IF THEY WILL COME TO DEMING AND BRING A 4-WHEEL
> DRIVE VEHICLE AND PLAN TO SPEND ABOUT FOUR HOURS IN THE FIELD."
>
> Perhaps I shouldn't be so quick to dismiss the loony-filtering abilities
> of the New Mexico DMV: he clearly states that *YOU* need to a
> bring a 4-wheel drive vehicle with you. ;-)
>
> I can't remember if I've posted the following letter to this list --
> apologies
> if it's a repeat. (It made the rounds 5 or more years back, so it may be
> new to some of you.) In case anyone wonders, it's not a real letter, which
> is unfortunate because it demonstrates just the type of gentle sarcasm
> that one should probably employ when dealing with such people. Enjoy!
>
> --Rob
>
> - - - - -
>
> Paleoanthropology Division
> Smithsonian Institute
> 207 Pennsylvania Avenue
> Washington, DC 20078
>
> Dear Sir:
>
> Thank you for your latest submission to the Institute, labeled
> "211-D, layer seven, next to the clothesline post. Hominid
> skull." We have given this specimen a careful and detailed
> examination, and regret to inform you that we disagree with your
> theory that it represents "conclusive proof of the presence of
> Early Man in Charleston County two million years ago." Rather, it
> appears that what you have found is the head of a Barbie doll, of
> the variety one of our staff, who has small children, believes to
> be the "Malibu Barbie". It is evident that you have given a great
> deal of thought to the analysis of this specimen, and you may be
> quite certain that those of us who are familiar with your prior
> work in the field were loathe to come to contradiction with your
> findings. However, we do feel that there are a number of physical
> attributes of the specimen which might have tipped you off to
> it's modern origin:
>
> 1. The material is molded plastic. Ancient hominid remains
> are typically fossilized bone.
>
> 2. The cranial capacity of the specimen is approximately 9
> cubic centimeters, well below the threshold of even the earliest
> identified proto-hominids.
>
> 3. The dentition pattern evident on the "skull" is more
> consistent with the common domesticated dog than it is with the
> "ravenous man-eating Pliocene clams" you speculate roamed the
> wetlands during that time. This latter finding is certainly one
> of the most intriguing hypotheses you have submitted in your
> history with this institution, but the evidence seems to weigh
> rather heavily against it. Without going into too much detail,
> let us say that:
>
> A. The specimen looks like the head of a Barbie doll
> that a dog has chewed on.
> B. Clams don't have teeth.
>
> It is with feelings tinged with melancholy that we must deny your
> request to have the specimen carbon dated. This is partially due
> to the heavy load our lab must bear in its normal operation, and
> partly due to carbon dating's notorious inaccuracy in fossils of
> recent geologic record. To the best of our knowledge, no Barbie
> dolls were produced prior to 1956 AD, and carbon dating is likely
> to produce wildly inaccurate results. Sadly, we must also deny
> your request that we approach the National Science Foundation's
> Phylogeny Department with the concept of assigning your specimen
> the scientific name "Australopithecus spiff-arino." Speaking
> personally, I, for one, fought tenaciously for the acceptance of
> your proposed taxonomy, but was ultimately voted down because the
> species name you selected was hyphenated, and didn't really sound
> like it might be Latin.
>
> However, we gladly accept your generous donation of this
> fascinating specimen to the museum. While it is undoubtedly not a
> hominid fossil, it is, nonetheless, yet another riveting example
> of the great body of work you seem to accumulate here so
> effortlessly. You should know that our Director has reserved a
> special shelf in his own office for the display of the specimens
> you have previously submitted to the Institution, and the entire
> staff speculates daily on what you will happen upon next in your
> digs at the site you have discovered in your back yard. We
> eagerly anticipate your trip to our nation's capital that you
> proposed in your last letter, and several of us are pressing the
> Director to pay for it. We are particularly interested in hearing
> you expand on your theories surrounding the "trans-positating
> fillifitation of ferrous ions in a structural matrix" that makes
> the excellent juvenile Tyrannosaurus rex femur you recently
> discovered take on the deceptive appearance of a rusty 9-mm Sears
> Craftsman automotive crescent wrench.
>
> Yours in Science,
>
> Harvey Rowe
> Curator, Antiquities
>
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Received on Mon 14 May 2001 06:02:49 PM PDT